Growth... Part 3

This week we'll wrap up the 3 post series on spiritual growth. You can find the first two posts here and here.

Leading a student in and through a meaningful and complete spiritual formation experience is hard. What makes it truly difficult is that you can't control the entire experience, and you can't guarantee the results. Yet, it is not our job as parents to be able to control the experience or guarantee the results. Remember, we are not striving for behavioral modification, we are yearning for spiritual formation. So, we must trust the experience and the results to the one who is truly in control. And, here's some good news... He doesn't let his truth go out and then return void.  So what is our job as parents (in a nutshell) for spiritual formation?

1. Offer complete and well thought out (not perfect or micro-managed) spiritual growth experiences. Another way of thinking of spiritual growth experiences, is to think of them as spiritual exercise... It's like going to the gym. ;)
2. Trust the results, process, and growth of your teen to our Heavenly Father. 

If you need some ideas for spiritual exercise with your teen, check out post #2.  

OK, so let's talk about your teen. Remember how it's hard to just have a conversation about the weather, let alone have a chat about something deep and personal like faith? Here's what's going on with your teen:

• They verify everything through the lens of experience: The teenage brain is making an exceptional amount of connections each and everyday. Ultimately, those connections will firm up your teens personality, ability to perceive cause and effect in decision making, and go from a concrete operational thinker to an abstract thinker (ie. Own a worldview/ moral compass). The medium that they use to (consciously and subconsciously) wade through this process of development is personal experience. It is important to remember that a lot of this goes on at the subconscious level. So, your teen can't always explain the feelings they are having. Add in hormone shifts and this gets messy for you and them. 
• What this means for you: You can't simply talk to them about how to live out their faith, you must live it with them. And, they are going to watch how you live out yours. Be honest and transparent with them. Creating a facade is more damaging than you can imagine. 
• They only trust their own experience: Since the medium of personal experience is so integral to their emotional and cognitive development, it is not too hard to imagine that they will guard what they actually digest and accept as valid. Throw in there an unhealthy amount of learned distrust (from advertising and personal relationships) and your teen will begin to only trust their own experience as truly valid. Simply, their own experience is the only one they can feel, touch, taste, and digest. This is part of moving from being a concrete operational thinker (ie. Mom and Dad said it must be true, so it is true.) to abstract thinker (ie. I've experienced this to be true, so it is true.).
• What this means for you: Be patient with them and offer perspective giving thoughts, not simply corrective thoughts. Ask open ended questions: What did you think about that? How did you feel in that situation? What did you like or dislike about that? Essentially, you want to get them involved in the experience at some level. This will be gradual. Limited involvement and responses at first, and hopefully more involved and deeper responses as time goes on and more experiences are offered.  
• They are able to make quick assessments of what is genuine and what's fake: I've heard it said that a teen has an attention span of a gold fish, somewhere around 7 seconds! There is serious truth in that claim even if their attention span is longer than that. Simply, our teens are currently the most advertised to generation ever. As a consequence, they make exceptionally quick assessments of what they perceive to be genuine or fake. Consider how many ads are on your computer screen right now, and how many of them you've actually paid attention to. Subconsciously, you've assessed and seen all of them, and within seconds you've chosen to ignore or engage them. 
• What this means for you: You need to offer experiences consistently, and be genuinely engaged in those experiences yourself. If you're not bought in, your teen will see that a mile away, and they won't buy-in. You also need to be honest, and let them be honest. Trust is built with a teen by not devaluing their thoughts. Remember growth is a process, not a point in time. 
• They are yearning for truth: Teens want truth. They want something that will help define and make sense of their life and world. And, with all that is going on in their brains, this is a great time to introduce and start to solidify a worldview in their minds and hearts. 
• What this means for you: Take advantage of this opportunity. Be engaged with your teen. See what it does for your relationship with them and with Jesus. If you've made it this far, you're probably picking up that spiritual growth/ formation is a process and requires patience. Essentially,  patience is one of the most important ingredients in leading your teen closer to Jesus. Your teen wants to know truth (they were wired for it), but it will take a patient teacher to lead them into and through it. 

 Closing thoughts: You don't need to be perfect to help your teen experience Jesus... remember, your growth process, and the bumps in the road. In fact we can't and will never do it perfectly but, we can do it faithfully. It will take time for your teen to buy-in, be patient with them and with the process. Finally, trust God for the results and for the experience.

PS. Don't forget to pray. If this is new or old hat for you, pray. Pray before, pray during, and pray after. This is God's work and we are joining him, so let's be engaged with him along the way.

Growth: Part 2

 

Last week on the blog, I explored the growth model our youth ministry uses to guide our programs, and asked the question:

So, as parents, are we offering and encouraging opportunities for our teens to be engaged in the total experience of spiritual growth? Are we (personally) engaged in that as well? Ie. Are we modeling it? 

This week, I want to offer some practical thoughts on how we as parents can be answering, yes, to those questions. Remember, this is not a curriculum you can implement, a program you can turn on, or a switch to flip. This is a heart thing; and, heart things take time, consistency, and patience.

Here are some ideas for engaging your teen in spiritual growth:

Go on a mission trip: This could be local, national, or global. Simply, take your teen with you as you go on mission. Some trips may not be appropriate to take your teen with. Ie. If you are going to a closed country such North Korea, or working directly with human trafficking victims. Yet, there are so many opportunities to take your children along with you as you serve. They can look like:

• Raking your neighbors leaves this fall: Start small if this is new for you. Ask your teen to come with you as you serve someone in a simple way. Explain that, by loving others and expecting nothing in return is one way we live out our commitment to Jesus. Afterward, ask them about how the time went. 
• Serving the homeless: Want to do something a little more out of your comfort zone? Consider serving your local homeless population. Call up a homeless shelter and as what they need help with, then pick something and bring your teen.  
• Going on a domestic or international mission trip: This can be a big step in a lot of ways. You'll be in a new location, serving in a focused way, and being forced to really consider the spiritual significance of our lives. So, why wouldn't you want to go? Talk about an upcoming trip with your teen, see if they are interested, and pray together about going and serving. 

Remember, when you invite your student to go on mission with you, their experience is strongly dependent on you. If you're not all in, they probably won't be either. If you don't communicate the importance of serving and the results from serving, they may not see it. Finally, if you don't ask follow up questions and debrief the experience, they may miss the significance of that experience.  

Invite them into your quiet time: Ask them to join you, to read the passage with you, and to walk through it just as you do. Allow them to draw their own insights from the passage, and ask them about what they were. This doesn't have to be an everyday thing. But, it shows your teen a couple really important things:

• You're trying to be faithful to what you believe. 
• You're not perfect, and they don't have to be either. (This depends on your degree of honesty. Remember, teens are really good at separating the fake from the real.)
• You care for them enough to include them in your spiritual life. 
• Models how to have a quiet time.

Invite them into your spiritual obedience: Include your teen in your mundane spiritual obedience. Sounds silly right? What's mundane about being spiritually obedient? Well, what we may consider to be routine, can be revolutionary to our teens as they join us in obedience. Teach Sunday school? Ask your teen to help. Writing that tithe check out? Have junior do it with you, and ask him why he thinks you do this. Greeting at church that Sunday morning? Bring your teen along. Talk to them before about how we are a body and are all Christ's children; and, that greeting is a way to remind people of and encourage them with Jesus' love. Model obedience for your teen, especially in the little things.
 
Ask them questions: Create an environment of dialogue. Driving home Sunday after church, ask them what they learned, thought about, or even questioned that morning. Let them have some rope, even when their thoughts and reflections seem crazy.  Consider how patient God is with us as we learn more and more about him.  Their faith won't be lost in outlandish thoughts or questions. It will be squelched if we just keep setting them straight and don't guide them through the wrestling that learning takes. Trust me, this is uncomfortable for us parents. Teens want to explore and wrestle with truth, so lets make sure we are encouraging them in truth, giving them room to wrestle, and keep the dialogue going.   

Pray with and for them: Ask them to pray with you. Ask them what's on their heart that they want to pray about. And pray. Model faithful obedience in prayer, and care for them.

As you consider these things, don't feel like you need to do all of them all at once. Doing one or two already? Great, keep going! Considering trying one out? Awesome, go for it! Wherever you are at with you teen, remember this is going to take time. Think about how long it took you. Over the next week, consider how you are modeling a healthy faith for your teen, and how you can invite them into your journey. And, don't rush into anything just yet. Instead, start praying over them and for them.

Next week, we'll talk about:

• My teen doesn't want to ride in the same car, let alone pray with me!
• How do I make these consistent and successful?

Growth: Part 1

This Sunday I presented to our students (Jr. & Sr. High) this model for personal spiritual growth; and, explained that as a youth ministry we are going to give them opportunities to work through this model. Yet, in the end it's up to them to be engaged with those opportunities.

Honestly, as a youth pastor I have come to think of my job really as presenting students with opportunities for spiritual growth. I cannot make them believe the teachings of Jesus, let alone follow them with their lives. That is God's work. And, I am thankful for that! Don't get me wrong, I believe God has called me (us) to present opportunities that are good, well thought out, and focused on Him. But, growth is not up to me, and ultimately it's not linear. Leaning doesn't, and shouldn't stop. Especially, if we're learning about Jesus. And, learning doesn't result in growth by happening in a vacuum or without experience. Here's the thinking behind the model:

1. Jesus is the center: If you want to learn about Jesus, you have to keep him in the center. Simple, right?
2. Learn: This is academic learning... worshiping God with your mind. And, you don't have to be an academic person to do this. Regular Bible study and reading, memorization, and engaging with others in conversations on spiritual things are all academic pursuits.
3. Serve: Once you've gained knowledge about Jesus, you have to apply it to help it stick. Essentially, what you believe is how you'll behave. So if you have a head knowledge that God is love and wants me to be loving, but act like a huge jerk, it is safe to say, that knowledge has not resulted in growth or lasting belief. Serving is worshiping God with your hands. But, it can't happen with out learning. 
4. Grow: This is us worshiping God with our soul. We are becoming transformed into His image. It is important to not see this as the final stop in the process. Growth should prompt us to learn more, and then serve more, and keep being transformed.

If you remove one part of the model, the whole things falls apart. If you learn without serving, then you have treated God as a concept to intellectually master. And, will be disappointed and become disillusioned with Him. If you serve without learning, you'll treat it as a narcissistic (self-focused) pursuit. It's good for a while, but eventually the weight of evil and your inability to change it will become too fractured, and there will be no reason left to serve. And, if you remove growth, you never really change and you're never prompted to pursue Jesus further. Essentially, you stay the same, never thinking differently, never being challenged, or refined. Contentment gives way to complacency, and complacency kills the heart of a learner.

If we treat spiritual growth as a liner pursuit, there is an end. But, how can there be an end when we are pursuing an infinite and eternal God? And, ultimately, how does this apply to parenting teens?

Teens are looking for something to hold on to, and are eager to learn. Yet, we often present them a faith with concepts to be mastered, not experienced. And, teens thrive on experiencing things. Partly, it's because of where they are at developmentally. And, part of it is that we are all wired to be engaged in experience. Essentially, the model is the total experience. And, if we want our teens to be transformed in Jesus' image, we need to present them with the total experience. 

So, as parents, are we offering and encouraging opportunities for our teens to be engaged in the total experience of spiritual growth? Are we (personally) engaged in that as well? Ie. Are we modeling it?

What I'm Listening To

 

One of the toughest things about trying to raise believing children, is to stay fueled up emotionally, spiritually, and culturally. However, it is essential as disciple making parents that we do. Here are some podcasts that you can listen to while driving, at the gym, or going about your day, to help keep you fueled up. They range in length from only a few minutes per, to over an hour per episode. 

Unbelievable:  This is a podcast that invites scholars to debate different topics in the Christian faith.

Christ and Pop Culture (CPAC): The CAPC podcast and website are dedicated to looking at pop culture and wrestling with the truth that is found within it. I have found that they ask needed questions when thinking about pop culture through a Christian lens.

The Gospel Coalition: This podcast deals theologically with some of the deeper and more challenging issues in our faith. It provides a great partner to to the CPAC podcast.

Center For Parent Youth Understanding (CPYU): Walt Mueller is an expert on teens and culture trends for teens today. This podcast is really helpful with staying up to date on teen culture.

Ask John Piper:  Pastor John Piper has a deep knowledge of Biblical and theological things.  In each episode of this podcast he will give you lots of food for thought.

Reasons To Believe: There are several podcasts over at RTB, that are worth listening to. They interact with current scientific discoveries, look at evidence for intelligent design, and offer a Christian perspective.   

Ravi Zacharias:  Ravi Zacharias is another well known Biblical scholar. In this podcast you get to benefit from his years of study, and chew on the meat of scripture.

Answers in Genesis:  This is another podcast that looks at the scientific and Biblical sides of creationism.