Drawing The Line

Healthy relationships are difficult to maintain no matter how old you are, or how long you've been together. Each season of your relationship will bring new challenges to be worked through, and new celebrations that bring joy.

Yet, it is the challenges that shipwreck a relationship, not the joys. So what do we do when the storms of love strike our shores? How do we protect our love when the winds of conflict pick up, and threaten our hearts? The unfortunate answer is, to rely on your foundation. I only say it's unfortunate, because if you haven't built a strong foundation before the storm comes, it's probably too late. Yet, if you have built into a strong foundation then you can stand firm in your relationship, care for the other person, and weather the storm together. Just don't forget to repair that foundation after the storm.

How do we help our teens begin to practice building strong foundations in their romantic relationships? Two words: Boundaries and Respect.

I am convinced that if our teens commit to these two things,  their relationships will not only be healthier, but they will develop a deeper picture of love and commitment. Here are some thoughts to start a discussion with your teen about boundaries:

1. True love begins with loving Jesus wholeheartedly. (Only date someone who loves Jesus too.)
2.  Healthy love is sustained by your relationship with Jesus.
3.  Respect each others space.
4. The words you use, demonstrate what you think of that person. (How does my date talk to me?)
5. Sex before marriage is destructive. (How far, is too far? I.e. Would you do that in front of your parents?)
6. Support each others individual passions and interests.
7. What are the relationship deal breakers?
8. Am I constantly alone with my date? / Where do we go on dates?
9. What do my friends think of my relationship?
10. What are your reasons for dating this person?

Boundaries will help our teens understand where to draw the line in a relationship, and begin to build a foundation. Of course, boundaries only work if both parties respect them. Don't forget to ask your teen what they will do if the boundaries aren't respected.

Healthy teens are our responsibility. You don't have to be perfect, just start the conversation. Oh, and don't forget t take Jesus with you. He is Love.

Some resources to help you along the way.

Love Is Respect
Love AND Respect Blog
The Illumination Project
Love AND Respect Now
Teen Care
Quick Facts about STDS and Sexual Health

* I used to work for Teen Care which is part of the Life Choices family; and,
includes My Choice Medical Clinic. Life Choices info here.