Growth: Part 2

 

Last week on the blog, I explored the growth model our youth ministry uses to guide our programs, and asked the question:

So, as parents, are we offering and encouraging opportunities for our teens to be engaged in the total experience of spiritual growth? Are we (personally) engaged in that as well? Ie. Are we modeling it? 

This week, I want to offer some practical thoughts on how we as parents can be answering, yes, to those questions. Remember, this is not a curriculum you can implement, a program you can turn on, or a switch to flip. This is a heart thing; and, heart things take time, consistency, and patience.

Here are some ideas for engaging your teen in spiritual growth:

Go on a mission trip: This could be local, national, or global. Simply, take your teen with you as you go on mission. Some trips may not be appropriate to take your teen with. Ie. If you are going to a closed country such North Korea, or working directly with human trafficking victims. Yet, there are so many opportunities to take your children along with you as you serve. They can look like:

• Raking your neighbors leaves this fall: Start small if this is new for you. Ask your teen to come with you as you serve someone in a simple way. Explain that, by loving others and expecting nothing in return is one way we live out our commitment to Jesus. Afterward, ask them about how the time went. 
• Serving the homeless: Want to do something a little more out of your comfort zone? Consider serving your local homeless population. Call up a homeless shelter and as what they need help with, then pick something and bring your teen.  
• Going on a domestic or international mission trip: This can be a big step in a lot of ways. You'll be in a new location, serving in a focused way, and being forced to really consider the spiritual significance of our lives. So, why wouldn't you want to go? Talk about an upcoming trip with your teen, see if they are interested, and pray together about going and serving. 

Remember, when you invite your student to go on mission with you, their experience is strongly dependent on you. If you're not all in, they probably won't be either. If you don't communicate the importance of serving and the results from serving, they may not see it. Finally, if you don't ask follow up questions and debrief the experience, they may miss the significance of that experience.  

Invite them into your quiet time: Ask them to join you, to read the passage with you, and to walk through it just as you do. Allow them to draw their own insights from the passage, and ask them about what they were. This doesn't have to be an everyday thing. But, it shows your teen a couple really important things:

• You're trying to be faithful to what you believe. 
• You're not perfect, and they don't have to be either. (This depends on your degree of honesty. Remember, teens are really good at separating the fake from the real.)
• You care for them enough to include them in your spiritual life. 
• Models how to have a quiet time.

Invite them into your spiritual obedience: Include your teen in your mundane spiritual obedience. Sounds silly right? What's mundane about being spiritually obedient? Well, what we may consider to be routine, can be revolutionary to our teens as they join us in obedience. Teach Sunday school? Ask your teen to help. Writing that tithe check out? Have junior do it with you, and ask him why he thinks you do this. Greeting at church that Sunday morning? Bring your teen along. Talk to them before about how we are a body and are all Christ's children; and, that greeting is a way to remind people of and encourage them with Jesus' love. Model obedience for your teen, especially in the little things.
 
Ask them questions: Create an environment of dialogue. Driving home Sunday after church, ask them what they learned, thought about, or even questioned that morning. Let them have some rope, even when their thoughts and reflections seem crazy.  Consider how patient God is with us as we learn more and more about him.  Their faith won't be lost in outlandish thoughts or questions. It will be squelched if we just keep setting them straight and don't guide them through the wrestling that learning takes. Trust me, this is uncomfortable for us parents. Teens want to explore and wrestle with truth, so lets make sure we are encouraging them in truth, giving them room to wrestle, and keep the dialogue going.   

Pray with and for them: Ask them to pray with you. Ask them what's on their heart that they want to pray about. And pray. Model faithful obedience in prayer, and care for them.

As you consider these things, don't feel like you need to do all of them all at once. Doing one or two already? Great, keep going! Considering trying one out? Awesome, go for it! Wherever you are at with you teen, remember this is going to take time. Think about how long it took you. Over the next week, consider how you are modeling a healthy faith for your teen, and how you can invite them into your journey. And, don't rush into anything just yet. Instead, start praying over them and for them.

Next week, we'll talk about:

• My teen doesn't want to ride in the same car, let alone pray with me!
• How do I make these consistent and successful?

Growth: Part 1

This Sunday I presented to our students (Jr. & Sr. High) this model for personal spiritual growth; and, explained that as a youth ministry we are going to give them opportunities to work through this model. Yet, in the end it's up to them to be engaged with those opportunities.

Honestly, as a youth pastor I have come to think of my job really as presenting students with opportunities for spiritual growth. I cannot make them believe the teachings of Jesus, let alone follow them with their lives. That is God's work. And, I am thankful for that! Don't get me wrong, I believe God has called me (us) to present opportunities that are good, well thought out, and focused on Him. But, growth is not up to me, and ultimately it's not linear. Leaning doesn't, and shouldn't stop. Especially, if we're learning about Jesus. And, learning doesn't result in growth by happening in a vacuum or without experience. Here's the thinking behind the model:

1. Jesus is the center: If you want to learn about Jesus, you have to keep him in the center. Simple, right?
2. Learn: This is academic learning... worshiping God with your mind. And, you don't have to be an academic person to do this. Regular Bible study and reading, memorization, and engaging with others in conversations on spiritual things are all academic pursuits.
3. Serve: Once you've gained knowledge about Jesus, you have to apply it to help it stick. Essentially, what you believe is how you'll behave. So if you have a head knowledge that God is love and wants me to be loving, but act like a huge jerk, it is safe to say, that knowledge has not resulted in growth or lasting belief. Serving is worshiping God with your hands. But, it can't happen with out learning. 
4. Grow: This is us worshiping God with our soul. We are becoming transformed into His image. It is important to not see this as the final stop in the process. Growth should prompt us to learn more, and then serve more, and keep being transformed.

If you remove one part of the model, the whole things falls apart. If you learn without serving, then you have treated God as a concept to intellectually master. And, will be disappointed and become disillusioned with Him. If you serve without learning, you'll treat it as a narcissistic (self-focused) pursuit. It's good for a while, but eventually the weight of evil and your inability to change it will become too fractured, and there will be no reason left to serve. And, if you remove growth, you never really change and you're never prompted to pursue Jesus further. Essentially, you stay the same, never thinking differently, never being challenged, or refined. Contentment gives way to complacency, and complacency kills the heart of a learner.

If we treat spiritual growth as a liner pursuit, there is an end. But, how can there be an end when we are pursuing an infinite and eternal God? And, ultimately, how does this apply to parenting teens?

Teens are looking for something to hold on to, and are eager to learn. Yet, we often present them a faith with concepts to be mastered, not experienced. And, teens thrive on experiencing things. Partly, it's because of where they are at developmentally. And, part of it is that we are all wired to be engaged in experience. Essentially, the model is the total experience. And, if we want our teens to be transformed in Jesus' image, we need to present them with the total experience. 

So, as parents, are we offering and encouraging opportunities for our teens to be engaged in the total experience of spiritual growth? Are we (personally) engaged in that as well? Ie. Are we modeling it?

What I'm Listening To

 

One of the toughest things about trying to raise believing children, is to stay fueled up emotionally, spiritually, and culturally. However, it is essential as disciple making parents that we do. Here are some podcasts that you can listen to while driving, at the gym, or going about your day, to help keep you fueled up. They range in length from only a few minutes per, to over an hour per episode. 

Unbelievable:  This is a podcast that invites scholars to debate different topics in the Christian faith.

Christ and Pop Culture (CPAC): The CAPC podcast and website are dedicated to looking at pop culture and wrestling with the truth that is found within it. I have found that they ask needed questions when thinking about pop culture through a Christian lens.

The Gospel Coalition: This podcast deals theologically with some of the deeper and more challenging issues in our faith. It provides a great partner to to the CPAC podcast.

Center For Parent Youth Understanding (CPYU): Walt Mueller is an expert on teens and culture trends for teens today. This podcast is really helpful with staying up to date on teen culture.

Ask John Piper:  Pastor John Piper has a deep knowledge of Biblical and theological things.  In each episode of this podcast he will give you lots of food for thought.

Reasons To Believe: There are several podcasts over at RTB, that are worth listening to. They interact with current scientific discoveries, look at evidence for intelligent design, and offer a Christian perspective.   

Ravi Zacharias:  Ravi Zacharias is another well known Biblical scholar. In this podcast you get to benefit from his years of study, and chew on the meat of scripture.

Answers in Genesis:  This is another podcast that looks at the scientific and Biblical sides of creationism.

Listen to Greg Speck... For Free!

Parenting teens is a hard job. And connecting with them, can feel like an even harder job!

That's why guys like Greg Speck are here to help us. Get a chance to listen to Greg speak about connecting with your teen for free, at Valley Church in West Des Moines, on Sept. 21. For more info and to register go here: http://www.vefc.com/reconnect

What to Look for in a Good Friend

I read this article a while ago, but thought it was a timely subject with school just starting. 

What to Look for in a Good Friend | Charles Stone

charlesstone.com · by Charles Stone · July 24, 2014

God made us to be in relationship with each other. We were made for community and we all want good friends. But what do good friends look like? What do they do or not do? In the most intimate of the 13 letters the Apostle Paul wrote that help form the New Testament, Philippians, we see a portrait of what to look for in a friend. Consider these 5 behaviors that a good friend will consistently live out and ask yourself if you model them as a friend yourself.

friendship dog and cat

In Philippians 1.3-11, Paul gives us this template for what good friends do. A good friend will…

1. Remember the best in you (v. 3).
   • When Paul prayed for his friends in the church in the city of Philippi, his thoughts of them brought him great joy. He chose to focus on their good qualities, rather than upon  their limitations and weaknesses. He remembered their best.
   • What emotions and thoughts rise up in the minds of others when they think of you…joy, happiness, and peace or fear, worry, and anxiety?
2. Give their best to you (v. 5, 7).
   • He said that he had them in his heart. He fully gave himself to them by giving them the deepest thing about himself, his heart. He used the word koinonia, which means deep partnership, as he described their strong, intimate relationship. Paul was not a relationship skimmer. Rather he gave himself fully to these special friends.
   • How would others describe you? A relationship skimmer or one who is willing to risk and go deep in friendships?
3. Encourage the best in you (v. 6).
   • He was confident that God would finish the work that He had begun in them. He emphasized that truth and sought to bring out their best. Good friends will bring out your best. Liz Wizeman who studied 150 leaders and wrote Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter discovered that there are two kinds of leaders: multipliers and diminishers. Multipliers bring out the best in others by amplifying their strengths, encouraging them, and empowering them. Diminishers do the opposite. They drain you by having all the answers, micro-managing, and being self focused. Good friends will always seek to be a multiplier in your life.
   • How would others describe you: as a multiplier or a diminisher?
4. Pray the best for you (v. 9).
   • Paul fervently prayed for his friends. He prayed that they would love Jesus and others more, would learn more about God, and would live out the truths of God’s Word in their conduct and character. Good friends will pray that those three things will become reality in their friends.
   • When you last prayed for your friends, what did you pray for them about? 
5. Expect the best from you (v. 10-11).
   • Good friends will hold you accountable. They will tell you what you may not want to hear because they will expect the best from you. They won’t let you settle for what is just ‘good.’ They will challenge you to do and be your best.
   • What friend in your life holds you accountable? Do you have a friend that knows you will expect the best from him or her?

Good friends are rare. But when God gives them to us, they are worth their weight in gold.

What question above most resonated with you? Is the Holy Spirit prompting you to become a better friend?

Teens, Tech, and Neutral Tme

One of the goals of this blog is to equip and resource parents as they guide their teens through adolescence. This week I'd like to offer up a couple articles that I have found particularly helpful in keeping up in an ever changing teenage world.

1. Use Tech Like a Teen: This article helps to explain why teens use tech the way they do, and even challenge adults to follow their lead. Our teens are digital natives and are accustomed to using tech. As parent, it's important to know why your teen is using tech the way they do.

2. Technology and the Adolescent Brain: Are you worried about what tech is doing to your child's brain? This article offers some good balanced thoughts in this area on two particular fronts:

1. Radio-frequency's effect on intellectual reaction time.
2. The consequences of internet use on social-cognition.

 3. Digital Kids Initiative has published a list of recommended reading for parents of teens. Check out the list here. The list includes topics such as:

• Technology and your teens brain.
• Setting priorities straight.
• Technology and Spirituality
• Living Porn Free
• Media Criticism

4. The Myth of Neutral Time: This article comes from the Gospel Coalition, and it confronts the false notion that seasons of time can be neutral. Often we see this lived out in our college students who, "put faith on hold, to explore others options". It is a good read, and challenges us to think through our notion of "neutral time". 

"You've got to believe in something..."

These two videos are from Soul Pancake via YouTube. The first one is a letter from a dad to his kids, and the second is an open letter to moms.

Click the link if the video doesn't appear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn4dXuev-nA&list=PLzvRx_johoA8U7WtTDwXrqW1mPi7xTwwh&feature=share

Click the link if the video doesn't appear. 

http://youtu.be/pQ4Rnba85o8

5 things I appreciated about the videos:

1. They show just how important moms and dads are to their kids. 
2. They both recognize the hard work it takes to be a great mom and dad; and, the hurts and joys that come along with that job. 
3. They talk about how important community is to our parenting, and to our kids. We need people to support us as parents, and encourage our kids. 
4. In "Letter To My Kids" the dad says, "You have to believe in something bigger than yourself." What he lands on is good, but I think there is something bigger and more transformational to believe in. --> That's Jesus, btw.
5. "Living for others is the secret sauce." So true. Pretty sure Jesus said something like that once too. ;)  

I know that as Christian parents these videos don't speak to the full extent of the truth they're hinting at. But, they are a good reminder and expression of how important we are as parents to our children and our spiritual children (those kids and teens in our churches). I really believe that Moses offers the full spiritual weight of these same insights in Deut. 6:4-9

... 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. ... 

Check out the whole chapter, and pray this prayer everyday with me: 

Lord, thank you for my children (biological / adopted/ spiritual). Help me to know you more each day, so that I can share you with them. And, that they would know you, life in you, and make you known in their world.