Rites of Passage

The process of parenting through each generation has undergone shifts, changes, and adjustments. The processes, forms, and even methods may look different from year to year, and certainly from generation to generation. These changes and shifts are not wholly bad. Often, they are spurred on by one generation trying to meet the needs (perceived or actual) of another generation. What is foundational to all parenting, is that we want the best for our children. However, as a parent, and as a student of culture it appears to me that the most effective (and timeless) parenting methods, are the ones that are intentional.

It is then no mistake that a long time ago, God outlined intentional parenting to Israel (Deut. 6:4-9). In this ancient context parenting was done as a community. The specific praxis might not fit the bet in our "bedroom" and cul-de-sac 21st century communities. Yet, the principle is timeless. We must be intentional with our children, if we really desire them to grab a hold of faith, values, and truth. In fact, it has been a major discussion point in the last 10 years, especially in Christian circles. One major writer, Christian Smith, in his book, "Souls in Transition: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers" emphasizes the role parents have in impacting and cementing their child's faith. Essentially, he states that parents have the greatest influence in a child's spiritual life. This goes back to the post: What Jesus To Follow?

Again, at the end of the day, the discussion reaffirms that we need to be intentional in our parenting. Especially, in the area of spiritual things. So, how can we be intentional?

Enter stage left: Rites of passage.

What are rites of passage? Simply, they are significant moments that serve as markers of age, responsibility, and ability for our children. Drivers licenses, first communions, your first car, Bar Mitzvah's, prom, graduation, your first kiss, your 13th, 16th, and 18th birthdays (to name a few), all serve as rites of passage. Essentially, each of them marks a change and advancement in age, responsibility, and ability. Some of those things like birthday's just simply happen. Others are more intentional, or require more effort.

The point of using a rite of passage is to intentionally speak into your child's life. To show them that you see, recognize, and value their development. They also serve for our students as goals. Something to work towards. But, a rite of passage's value is only if the standard to achieve it, is kept. For example, your driver's license. The standard is not the same for all students in the same area. There are exemptions that allow some students to get it earlier than others. The exemptions start to water down the significance of the rite of passage. We have to be careful not to do that in our spiritual communities.

Yep, I had one of these. And, loved it!

As Christian parents how can we use rites of passage to build our children's faith? Here are some ideas:

1. Age appropriate Bibles: Give your child an age appropriate Bible. Should they be reading an ESV Study Bible at 7? And, vice versa, should they be reading the Psalty Bible at 17? Pick a good age appropriate Bible, and present it to them at a significant age marker. NIrV is a great translation for children, or those with reading difficulties.

2. Church programs: Encourage your students to attend and complete church programs. In our church we have Awana for K-6, Jr. high youth group for 6-8, and Sr. high youth group for 9-12. Each stage is designed for their age, and the stages can serve as a rite of passage.

3. Go on mission trips together: Take your Jr. high student to serve somewhere in the US, and take your Sr. High student with you as you go to that 3rd world country. Really, it doesn't matter where you go, as long a you take your student along, and provide the age appropriate experiences. Ie. "When you turn 16, we're going to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica."

4. Retreats: These can be great moments for building up your student in their faith. Take a father - son / mother - daughter retreat or trip.

5. Purity Rings: These have become very popular in the last 15 years. And, it is a great idea. At a specific age (13-16) you take an intentional opportunity to build the goal of purity (sexual abstinence) into your students life. And no, you don't need to spend $1K on a ring.  

These are only a few ideas. What works for your family? What works in your community and culture? In the end rites of passage are only one tool to be intentional with. The important part is we don't forsake God's call on us as parents to be intentional.

PS. Thankfully, intentional doesn't mean perfect.

Here's some references:

For daughters:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/building_relationships/rites-of-passage-for-your-daughter/ideas-for-creating-traditions.aspx

For sons:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/building_relationships/rites-of-passage-for-your-son.aspx

http://youthspecialties.com/articles/boys-will-be-boys-rites-of-passage-and-male-teens


Solid research (deep info) on rites of passage:

http://stickyfaith.org/articles/through-the-zone