To Censor, Or Not To Censor?

My daughter is only 21 months old. And, I would be lying to say that I don't already have expectations and hopes for her life. All parents have expectations and hopes for their children. Yet, I have one hope that transcends all others for my daughter. That is, that she would have a life long, active, and genuine relationship with Jesus. All other things are truly secondary. This strong desire for her to have a relationship with Jesus, can have some dangerous implications for my parenting. Ie. I am tempted to try and control her journey; and, would be lying, to say otherwise. Essentially, I want to guarantee her relationship with Jesus. But, let's be honest, I can't guarantee that. I can (and do) pray for her, expose her to age appropriate ideas and media about God, and I can demonstrate God's love for her in my relationship with her. But, I can't control her journey. Yet, that temptation still exists.

So the question arises, "How much control do we have over our children's spiritual journey?" Or, in other words, "What types of information and ideas should I allow my child to be exposed to?" I believe that we as parents have a God given mandate to protect and lead our children. I will not let my daughter be exposed to harmful or graphic (violent or sexual) materials. But, as she gets older, what will I do with non-christian sources? Whether they be digital (music, movies, blogs), philosophy, or classic literature. What will I censor? Or, will I censor at all?

These are tough questions for parents to wrestle with. We don't want to lead our children away from truth. Yet, we don't want our children to be overwhelmed with opposing ideas, and become disillusioned with truth.

If you wrestle with the practice or method of censoring ideas and materials (again, non-extreme materials) as I do, give this article a read. It helps us to think through the balancing act of parenting teens into a vital and healthy relationship with Jesus. It also challenges us to think through what are essential truths and non-essential truths. Ex. Political beliefs vs. Religious beliefs.

Beyond the article though, I am convicted to not forget my own journey. There are seasons and points in my life that I surely had misunderstandings of core biblical ideas. Yet, I had adults and mentors in my life that patiently walked me through those misunderstandings. Essentially, they didn't expect me to "get it perfectly" right away. I would be remiss to expect my children to "get it perfectly" right away too.

Let's wrestle with the question of healthy censorship; and, not forget our own journey. 

You can also get to the article via: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2014/04/28/should-christian-parents-ban-books/
  

What Jesus To Follow?

Christian parents typically want their children to have an active Christian faith. One that they won't walk away from at some later point, or when the turbulent seas of life show up. One that guides, directs, shapes, and informs their life. But, what is the cost of such a life? What do we as parents have to surrender if our children truly take hold of an active Christian faith? Essentially, what is the cost?

What if the cost involves suffering? Moving away? Having to explain to family members why your child walked away from a "promising" career, for .... "that".

Again the question: What's the cost of my child having an active Christian faith?

What if Jesus called your child to serve him in a war torn and poverty stricken country? What if Jesus calls your child to love the unlovable, and contract a fatal illness like Hepetitis C or AIDS via accidental exposure? What do we do when the call of Jesus begs the very thing we didn't want for our kids? They're potential suffering. Is an active faith worth the cost?

On the flip side, what if our kids never actually meet the Jesus that changes lives, hearts, and calls us to loose the chains of injustice? What if our kids only ever see church as a blueprint for morality, and a get out of hell free card? What if our kids never suffer? Is a passive faith worth the cost?

Let's reexamine the Jesus we are inviting our kids to follow.

Does he:

1. Want us to be happy, healthy, and wealthy?
2. Want us to be good moral citizens?
3. Want us to subscribe to a certain political party?
4. Want us to pity the children in the 3rd world?
5. Want us to just dot the i's and cross the t's of obedience?

Or, does he:

1. Invite us into his eternal / kingdom work? (Ps. This work gets messy sometimes.)
2. Love us unconditionally, and require us to love others the same way?
3. Call us to co-suffer with him?
4. Call us to loose the chains of injustice? (Not just pity poor kids.)
5. Promise us hope, peace, and restoration after this life?

The crux here is that, the Jesus we present our children, is most likely the one they'll follow. And, the Jesus of scripture wants their entire life. He may call them to an unsafe, unlikely, and unimaginable place of service. Or, he may not. But, that's not for us to decide. That's up to him. Either way, he wants them to transform his world, with and through him.

Leading our children to have and embrace an active Christian faith, is a risky thing. We serve a God who is active and who's love knows no limits. That might just mean he'll call you, me, and our children into a challenging place of service. The challenges can be emotional, physical, spiritual, or all of the above. But, one of the ways that we can live out our faith as parents, is to release our children to God and to his call on their lives. No matter how risky that call may be. Remember, we worship a God who will right all the wrongs of this world in the next. Our hope is not in the here and now.  

Again, lets be honest. Jesus wants the very same for us too. Let's make sure we take our kids along as we love and serve the real Jesus of the Bible.

And yes, He does call all of us co-suffer with him. 

Your Kids... Their Brain?

Children's ministry is not always my cup of tea. Give me a room full of teens, and I'm all kinds of excited. When you give me a handful of children, I just might pee myself. Hey, maybe I am cut out for children's ministry! ;)

My honest hesitation in children's ministry isn't, that I don't like kids. I love kids! Especially, the one, and the one on the the way that share the same address as me. Kids are fun, lively, unpredictable, and they have imaginations! Sounds good right?

Well, the first tension comes for me in trying to explain adult level concepts, to children. It's hard. But, I can't ignore the call not only on parents, but also on our spiritual community (the Church) to train up our children in truth. 

The second tension is about what other people think of how I am raising my children, and the programs of our children's ministry. In the past most Americans may not have thought twice about sending their child to VBS or a children's program at church. But, with the rise of militant atheism as a system of belief, and a worldview; we as parents raising our children to love God and believe in his Word as the source of truth, will come under scrutiny. We may even be accused of "brainwashing" our children. Harsh, right?

Eowyn Stoddard, wrote a great post that talks about this tension. And, why we need and our children need to have our "brains washed", with a healthy dose of Jesus and his truth.

Give it a read here.

PS. Letting your kids decide what faith they want, is a sure fire way to lead them to choose nothing at all. Live out your faith as a family, together in the ups and downs. Just make sure your kids are with you.



I saw the article here: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2014/04/11/i-want-my-kids-brainwashed/

It originally appeared here: http://theeowiggle.blogspot.com/

Perception and Conflict

Teens are very perceptive. It comes with the territory. They are evaluating themselves, their surroundings, and their larger culture on a minute by minute basis. As a parent, I'm sure it doesn't seem like they are all that perceptive, all that often. My parents uttered, "You thought / think what?" in despair so many times, that it is burned into my memory. Maybe you've had the same experience as a parent. However, I promise you that your teen really is an ultra-perception machine! They're so good at it, that they don't even know they do it all the time! It is just a part of identity formation through adolescence. Essentially,  they are constantly answering two questions: 1. Who / what do I want to be like? 2. Who / what do I not want to be like?

And, they answer those questions about us as parents in relation  to themselves as well. Does that make you nervous, maybe a little angry? How many of us went through adolescence saying, "I'll never be like my mom / dad!" And, how many of us now are resigning ourselves to the fact that in some ways, we're just like mom or dad. Don't worry your teen will go through the same process some day too. ;) (PS. Don't rub it in their faces. It's just not good for anyone.)

You know how far you've come, grown, and matured. But, as your teen is perceiving their world, and you, they don't always get those details. Remember, I didn't say their perceptions were always 100% accurate. That makes a good case to bring your teen in on your journey. Spare some of the gory details, but let them know you're growing... a work in progress. Being transparent offers a very safe and comforting feeling for your young "work in progress".

What hurts though, is when your teen throws your imperfections back in your face. Honestly, that is one of the bigger regrets in my life. I made perceptions of my parents, and they were accurate perceptions, in a very limited context. But, just like a quote taken out of context can hurt and destroy, so can a perception. And so, I verbalized my out of context perceptions to wound my parents. As I got older, and more self reflective, I realized what I had done, and the context I missed in my perceptions. If you are the parent of a teen, this is going to happen to you. Sorry for he bad news. So what can we do when it happens? An article over at The Gospel Coalition site, had some helpful thoughts. Here they are:

1. Seek forgiveness: "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you." James 4:10 

Want to shock a grudge-holding family member? Start by asking for forgiveness. There's nothing that cuts quite so deep as humble repentance. If they ask why, you can share how the gospel has illumined your own sin by the light of God's grace. You can explain how Christ's humility on the cross convicts you of your own arrogance, and that repenting to him enables you to ask forgiveness of them.

2. Speak softly: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer will be curiously received by an unbelieving family member who has received the opposite from you in the past. Controlling your tongue will always speak louder than using it to cut another spiritual incision into an already tender situation. This is a general principle, so although a soft tone won't always calm a stormy feud, I think it's safe to say that an angry rant never will. Think about the channels of communication that might open up when a family member responds, "Your reaction really surprised me, I thought you'd be upset."

3. Show kindness: "Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation." 1 Peter 2:12

Look for opportunities to sacrificially bless unbelieving members of your family. If you're far away, contact them occasionally to let them know you're praying and thinking about them. If they live close, make yourself available to them. In this way they will see a heart for Christ that also cares about them, and they won't have any reason to speak negatively either in their hearts or with their mouths about your actions.

I don't know my current status with my family. I probably never will. But I do know that each of us needs to come clean and repent of our own failures with our families.
Pray with me that God would give us a gospel-infused love for our families that causes us to be more critical of our own sin than theirs. Pray with me that Jesus would give us prayerful, less prideful hearts that overflow with mercy and forbearance. Pray with me that the Holy Spirit would help us forgive as we continue to be forgiven.

And by God's grace, they may yet glorify him.

Check out the full article here. It's larger context is in dealing with family conflict, but it has great application to conflict with your teen too.

Darren Aronofsky's "Noah" ... Themes and Questions

Have you seen the movie "Noah" yet? If you did, what did you think? Last week my wife and I, went to see it. Honesty, I had mixed feelings about it. There were some very non-evangelical themes to the film. Can't say I really expected any evangelical themes to begin with. Some questions I left the theater with: Where did the director draw his sources from? Where did the theme of the snake's skin as a blessing (symbol of a good inheritance) come from? Rock creatures / fallen angels???

Johnathan Van Maanen, sent around a blog post that explores some of the more troubling themes to the film. Give it a read. If you have seen the movie or are planning on seeing it, the post will help you understand where some of these things came from. It can also help you talk about the film with your teens.

Check the blog out here: http://drbrianmattson.com/journal/2014/3/31/sympathy-for-the-devil

Questions to ask:

1. What are some themes that don't agree with evangelical Christianity?
2. Who is the real hero of the film?
3. Who is the villain of the film?
4. What is Gnosticism?
5. What is Kabbalah?

PS. Cinematically, I didn't like the stylization of the film. Felt like a B movie to me. But, I did like the troubled nature of Noah. Albeit, the director took it a little (or, way) too far. Ie. Turned Noah into a homicidal maniac.
 

What's sacred?

If you ever have heard a story about one of my family vacations as a child, it probably took place at Colonial Williamsburg, Gettysburg, or Jamestown. My parents loved to take us to vacation spots with historical importance. However, there was a time when we went to the beach! Cape May, NJ in fact!

I know for a fact that this actually happened, because there is video evidence of it! Granted most of that video is black-mail material against me. Oh, if I could go back and tell my 5 year old self what I know today! ;) My parents still have the videos somewhere in their house. Although, they are stored on ancient tablets called VHS Tapes. Here I am, getting all nostalgic about videos of my childhood. And, if you asked your teen they would be like, "Yeah, video. Everybody takes them. No big deal." But, oh it was a big deal! My dad had to lug that video camera on his shoulder! And the amount of extra batteries he had to carry, is probably an EPA violation now.

Dad's, had a black plastic briefcase to carry it too. Put that in your pocket!

Why did he do it? Two reasons:

1. His camera was state of the art technology. And, he was the bees-knees on the beach for having it!
2. He wanted to capture all those sacred and beautiful moments of his family.

My dad invested in technology so he could capture the sacred moments. Is it worth taking a picture? That's the question that separated the cute moments from the sacred ones. My dad had to buy VHS Tapes to record on. If he took a picture, he had to have the film developed. And, film wasn't cheap. Especially, if you wanted to actually see the picture you took! Oh... then mishandle the film... And, Bam! All your memories are ruined by the light. In essence, if it was worth the money and work, it was sacred enough to capture.

Fast forward to 2014, and every teen has a smart phone; and, the ability to take, edit, and publish video and pictures in minutes. It feels like sacred is not sacred anymore. Just check out your teens social media platform of choice. Whether it be FaceBook, Instagram, TUMBLR, Twitter, or Vine. So much of their lives are broadcasted for everyone to see. It's all so public. And for a generation that grew up developing and being introduced to social media, not as social media natives, it feels overwhelmingly shallow and narcissistic. Have our teens lost all connection with the sacred and special moments in life? Or, are they just tucked away somewhere else?

Sorry, this moment was too sacred.

There has been an interesting switch in how we capture the sacred moments in our lives. And, honestly, as a 28 year old I feel like I've lived in both worlds. I watched my parents capture sacred moments on film, and I have done the same. My first camera was a Fuji point and shoot; and, I evaluated each shot asking, "Is it worth getting printed?' or "Is it sacred enough to take a picture?" Yet, today I don't ask those questions any more. I pull out my camera and click away... Ok, smartphone and click away. I post pictures of my bikes, my food, and my daughter to social media instantly. I "share" my life digitally with friends.  Don't get me wrong, I believe the digital community I am active in, is just that, a form of community.

But, now if a moment is really truly sacred, I don't snap a picture. I simply absorb it. The litmus test for what is sacred has changed. Now, we ask, "It is sacred enough to just be present to?" Go back and look at your teen's social media pages. What's between posts? You know, between the moments of frantic postings, selfies, and status updates. Did something sacred happen? Possibly. But those moments are kept private now, in our public and digital world. Maybe our teens aren't as shallow or narcissistic as we once thought. Maybe, they're better at being present to the sacred than we are.

Trust me, my daughter has done some amazing things recently; and, I just left my phone in my pocket. Sorry social media friends... those moments are just between us.