Sexual Objectification: Our Daughters and Sons

In Genesis we find the creation story of our world, us, and everything in it. From a bird's eye view the narrative is absolutely beautiful, and powerful. A loving God who is powerful enough to not only make life, but who intentionally chooses to make it, and make it good. That is amazing. And, not the way a great slice of pizza is amazing! It is life changing amazing, and profound.

One of my favorite parts of the creation account is when God creates Eve. Adam has just named all of the animals, and in that process he learns that there is none like him. And, he must have found this knowledge a bit hard to take. Because, God says it was not good for man to be alone. God causes Adam to fall asleep (Rip Van Winkle style), and from Adam's rib (side) God makes Eve. Adam is so out of it, that he has no idea any of this is happening. When God wakes Adam up and introduces Eve to him, Adam breaks out into a love poem. He didn't do that when he saw a cow for the first time! Adam declares that Eve is "Bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh". Essentially, he is saying, "She is the perfect fit for me, and we are the same."

There is a deep spiritual connection and equality between Adam and Eve. While their roles and giftings as male and female are different, their job is the same. To be a constant reminder of God's love and faithfulness for one another. However, enter sin, and everything gets turned on it's head.

Below, are a couple videos that talk about sexual objectification. One speaks to our daughters, and the other our sons. These videos discuss a difficult subject, but one that is desperately needed to be talked about. While both of these videos come from a non-Christian perspective, they ask brilliant and relevant questions. As a parent and adult, give these videos and watch, and consider: Is my teen ready to watch this with me? How can I use the questions below to start a discussion, even if we don't watch the video together? Should I pass this on to my 20 something, or another young adult that I know?

Video 1: "The Sexy Lie" Caroline Heldman via TEDx

   
Questions to ask:

1. In what ways do we as Christians subconsciously affirm or even promote sexual objectification?
2. How can we help our students understand how to identify sexual objectification?
3. How does sexual objectification inform self image? What does it actually look like for us to find our identity in Christ?
4. How can we as Christians redeem culture (not run from it), and promote a healthy Christ centered self-image? Ie. Deconstruct the prominence of hyper-sexualization through the teachings and truth of Jesus.
5. How can I as a parent model a healthy Christ-centered image?

                        --> "Tools to master your environment. v. Projects to be mastered."

Video 2: "A Call To Men" via TED

Questions to ask:

1. How do I define "manhood" for my sons (Ie. What's in my Man Box?)? How does God define manhood?
2. What cultural elements have I let creep in to my definition of manhood? Do they fit with scripture?
3. What fear holds us captive, to holding on to a definition of manhood, that isn't Christ like?
4. "If it would destroy him to be called a girl, what are we teaching him about girls?" 
5. How is my reconciliation in Christ (as a man), tied to our wives, daughters, sisters, and female friends reconciliation in Christ?

Should you force your kids to go to church?

Brent Thomas, (the district youth director, for our, Central EFCA District) sent this blog post out early this week. It is a great read, and worthy of your time. A couple quotes that stuck out to me are:

"How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?"

"Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later.  That’s on them.  But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance." --> As a parent of a 20 month old little girl, and another on the way, this line stuck with me.

"They are never too young to learn this.  My one-and-a-half year old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!”  Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.”  Try them.  I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe.  And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively."

You can check the post out over here.

PS. Make sure you read the opening paragraphs with a fair bit of irony.

Questions to think about:

1. When should we let our kids "choose their own path"?
2. How do we motivate our kids to be excited not just about church, but about Jesus?
3. What role do my actions and attitudes as a parent affect my child's actions and attitudes?
4. What excuses am I prone to make? --> I was convicted with this one!
5. How can I, as a youth pastor support, equip, and encourage you as a parent, in discipling your children to love Jesus? --> Yep, I'm in the boat with you! :)

Christ, Culture, and Pluralism

The name of our Sr. High youth group is, ENGAGE. This name is taken from Prov. 1:20 & 21. In these two verses we see that wisdom (which is a personification for God in this text), cries out in the busy places, and from noisy street corners. Wisdom is engaged in declaring truth; and, she does so in the busy and populated places. The places where culture is created and established. The vision for our Sr. High students is to do the same. Speak truth into culture, be culture redeemers, and encourage others to create Godly culture. If we're not engaged, this will never happen. And yet, when we are engaged, there are so many questions that arise, it seems to take the wind out of our sails. The question of pluralism is just one of many.

Pluralism, or the belief in multiple systems (often contradictory to each other) is not new. We see it in the nation of Israel in the OT, and we see it in the 1st century church. Paul spends a ton of time dealing with pluralism in his writings. Even Jesus confronts it... Mark 10, Matt. 6:19-24 & John 14:6.  Pluralism, doesn't solely have to deal with religious items. It can affect social items or beliefs as well. And, we all wrestle with it. Both, socially and religiously.

In our faith beliefs, we may say, "God is love." and "I can't believe they came to church like that." in the same breath. These are two very incompatible statements of belief. We will wrestle with pluralism for the rest of our days, this side of heaven. But, the real danger comes when we project our pluralism onto  a perfect and Holy God. This is where things get really messy. We wrestle with pluralism because we are finite. We can't fully understand the truth of God (this side of heaven). We understand (and He reveals to us) bits and pieces at a time. And, the longer we pursue it (and Him), the more we digest. Even in a lifetime of pursuit we will not run out of truth to be challenged by, and to grow in. But God, he is the source of truth, and does not wrestle with pluralism.

What does it mean to coexist for the Christian?

As we pursue truth ourselves, then cry out that truth in the busy places (redeem culture), and form our students to be Christ-like culture "engagers", let's not project our struggle with pluralism onto the One True God. He is not a pluralist. He does care how he is worshiped, what people believe about him, and how we live out his Truth.

Simply, there are not many ways up the mountain, and we need to be intentional in how we cry out in the busy places.

Questions to ask:

1. What incompatible belief systems do I hold?
2. How can I be engaged in redeeming culture,

not take on contradictory beliefs, and not burden others with unnecessary rules and laws? 
3. Why should I be engaged in culture, and not just live in my own safe bubble?
4. What is hard about engaging culture?
5. What is culture? 

Want further thought on this? Check out, Is God A Pluralist?

Living In The Light... In The Digital Age

In our current lesson series on 1 John, our theme is "Living In The Light". Throughout the entire breadth of human history we have had a problem with living in the light. But in the digital age, the  idea of living in the light takes on a whole new meaning. And, has new challenges. One challenge is our portable tech. Smart phones, ipods, and tablets are very powerful and are interwoven into our cultural DNA. Don't get me wrong, I love my portable tech; and, I'm not giving it back!  But, there is no denying that certain challenges do arise for our teens, and even ourselves with a handheld device that can do everything except bake bread!

Below are some apps that are found across all three platforms, and warrant a conversation with your teen. You may feel pushy, intrusive, and uncool by asking your teen about these. You're not. You are a great parent helping your teen to establish boundaries, and assess risk. That, will help them become healthy adults who move out of your house someday!

Check back here, for some tips and apps on how to protect your teen and be informed.

Apps to be wary of:

Messaging Apps:

Ask.fm: This app lets students ask questions and answers those posted by other users, sometimes anonymously. But it's coming under attack for intense bullying.

SnapChat. This iPhone app allows users to send photos that will "self destruct" within 10 seconds, encouraging kids to feel more comfortable "sexting" with peers. Once the recipient opens the pic, the timer starts. The picture destorys itself after the time runs out. This means that your kid can send a potentially damaging picture to a friend or someone else, and it won't stay on the recipient's phone. This app gives kids a false sense of security sending inappropriate pics; however, damage can still be done within a specified time frame. Talk to your child about the dangers of sending risky photos, and keep an eye out for SnapChat on her smartphone.

KiK Messenger. This kicky app for all types of smartphones is a mini social network. Similar to iChat or Google Chat, users can talk to multiple people, upload pics and files and even send built-in greeting cards or sketched pictures. Seems harmless, right? Wrong. While KiK is a great way for responsible users to keep in touch, based on reviews in the Google Playstore, it's turning out to have more to do with young teens flirting and sexting than just keeping in touch with friends. The reviews read like dating ads, with users looking to get to know more people. Like Facebook or Twitter, it's impossible to verify someone's identity through the world wide web. Bottom line: avoid this potentially dangerous app and talk to your kid about the risk of online predators.

Anonymity Apps:

Poof by Cydia. With one touch, Poof makes apps disappear before parents' prying eyes, allowing young users of "jailbroken" iPhones to virtually hide apps they don't want you to see. All your little tech genius needs to do is open Poof and select which app she wants hidden, and you'll never know it's there.

Anonymous Facebook Apps: Since Facebook’s launch, the social network has been rooted in the sharing of personal information to present one’s “real identity.” Yet in a drastic shift, Facebook announced that it will be letting members log in to certain apps anonymously. This move comes as more young people worry about being bound to online activity permanently. As a 23-year-old in our study explained, “I want to be online and not have ‘me’ all over it. In some ways, I don’t want to be held accountable for all of my online activity.” By allowing pseudonyms on its forthcoming apps, Facebook can appeal to those fearful of scrutiny. 


Backchat: Half of respondents in our survey feel like their real life and digital life are intertwined, which may cause them to feel exposed. The app Backchat (formerly called Backdoor), created by 14-year-old entrepreneur Daniel Singer, lessens anxiety by letting users send anonymous messages to anyone they’re connected to on Facebook or Google+. Curiosity over the sender’s identity drives a game, aided by free clues and additional hints with in-app purchases, where recipients guess who is messaging them. Clues don’t reveal identity directly, but help narrow down the possibilities. Nonetheless, the app allows recipients to focus on what’s being said before judging who said it.

Potluck: Fifty-six percent of young people we surveyed consider themselves observers when online. Link-sharing website Potluck targets these individuals who may be hesitant to share content due to fear of judgment. The platform, which was recently acquired by Facebook, hides posters’ identity until a reader clicks on a link. This method of anonymous posting puts the focus on what’s being shared, rather than who is sharing it. If no one is interested in a link, users simply won’t click it. But if people care about a topic, they can open the link to see who posted it, leave comments, and heart it. 

*Info on these apps gathered from:

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/worst-apps-kids/
http://www.cassandradaily.com/tech/cassandra-report-digest-generations-y-z-seek-anonymity-online/
http://www.theindychannel.com/news/daily-extras/popular-smartphone-apps-your-teen-doesnt-want-you-to-know-about-may-include-kik-poof-askfm

Month of Love Recap

Last Sunday we closed out our "Month of Love" series. In the days, weeks, and months ahead, the topic of "falling in love" will be a good one to keep talking about. If you haven't checked out some of the links in the previous posts, go back and give them a click. There is a wealth of good conversation starters, and helpful info there.

Or, feel free to launch off of the recap card from the "Month of Love". Ask your students what they learned about the 5 main points, the top 10 dating myths, or how to not burn in your passions.