Have you ever had this experience?
You have spent hours of your time, poured out immeasurable amounts of care and love, and emptied every ounce of creative energy to teach your teen something you thought was very valuable. And then, they react to your offering with a "meh" and walk away. You ask, "Were they even listening?!?" To make matters worse, a few weeks or months down the line they come back from a friend's house, youth conference, or school event and they tell you about this great lesson they just learned! You're excited to hear what they have to say. They tell you how influential this other person was in teaching them the same lesson you had been trying to teach them all along. Only they don't even know that you were the one who first taught them that lesson!
You're emotions are mixed at best. Excited that your teen has learned this valuable lesson, yet deflated because they seemingly don't even know that you first taught them it. Self-doubt, frustration, and disappointment in your parenting skills can rise out of these situations. And, if we buy into them, they can bankrupt our future investments into our teens.
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| Maybe a personal megaphone will help?? |
As a youth pastor, I've had this experience many times. I also expect to have it many more times. We'll be wrapping up a lesson series and I have this awesome plan to tie it all together, yet some how that night it seems to fall flat, or not be as big of an "ah-ha moment" as I hoped for. Later, we come home from a youth conference and all I hear is how the speaker really opened their eyes to the same truth I had poured all my energy, prayers, and time into, teaching them. Enter stage left: Doubt, disappointment, and frustration.
Here's the good news.
Even when you think that your teen isn't listening, and for all outward appearances it looks like they aren't, they actually are. Seems crazy right. Well, the average person has to hear something 7 times before it registers. It is the same for your teen. You may feel like a broken record, but that's exactly what they need. Repetition. Don't get me wrong, repetition doesn't mean you get to be naggy. It means you have to wait for and choose teachable moments, to repeat yourself. Each time you wait for and capitalize on that teachable moment, you plant a seed and build a part of the foundation for that idea in their minds. Sometimes (honestly, it's pretty often) it takes another "voice" to fully cement that idea in their minds.
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| Or, you could just get one of these for your teen. |
But, without you and your efforts that idea might never have even taken hold. They may never have learned it. Yes, it's frustrating when someone else gets the credit. But, in the end your teen was listening to you, valued what you had to say, and learned something very important. All things worth celebrating. And hey, being a good parent also means you actively expose your kids to healthy, Godly, and supportive influences. In reality, you've succeeded more than you may even know.
Yes, they are listening. More than we may believe.
DinnerTime: This app lets you control the times that your teen can use, or not use their device. Don't want interruptions at dinner, during study time, or in the middle of the night? This might help you out.
MAMABear: This app lets your teen check in with you by just tapping the app. It can also help you know if they are speeding, who their with, where they're at, and what's going on in thier social media circles.
