Parenting teens is a hard job. And connecting with them, can feel like an even harder job!
That's why guys like Greg Speck are here to help us. Get a chance to listen to Greg speak about connecting with your teen for free, at Valley Church in West Des Moines, on Sept. 21. For more info and to register go here: http://www.vefc.com/reconnect
God made us to be in relationship with each other. We were made for community and we all want good friends. But what do good friends look like? What do they do or not do? In the most intimate of the 13 letters the Apostle Paul wrote that help form the New Testament, Philippians, we see a portrait of what to look for in a friend. Consider these 5 behaviors that a good friend will consistently live out and ask yourself if you model them as a friend yourself.
friendship dog and cat
In Philippians 1.3-11, Paul gives us this template for what good friends do. A good friend will…
Remember the best in you (v. 3).
When Paul prayed for his friends in the church in the city of Philippi, his thoughts of them brought him great joy. He chose to focus on their good qualities, rather than upon their limitations and weaknesses. He remembered their best.
What emotions and thoughts rise up in the minds of others when they think of you…joy, happiness, and peace or fear, worry, and anxiety?
Give their best to you (v. 5, 7).
He said that he had them in his heart. He fully gave himself to them by giving them the deepest thing about himself, his heart. He used the word koinonia, which means deep partnership, as he described their strong, intimate relationship. Paul was not a relationship skimmer. Rather he gave himself fully to these special friends.
How would others describe you? A relationship skimmer or one who is willing to risk and go deep in friendships?
Encourage the best in you (v. 6).
He was confident that God would finish the work that He had begun in them. He emphasized that truth and sought to bring out their best. Good friends will bring out your best. Liz Wizeman who studied 150 leaders and wrote Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter discovered that there are two kinds of leaders: multipliers and diminishers. Multipliers bring out the best in others by amplifying their strengths, encouraging them, and empowering them. Diminishers do the opposite. They drain you by having all the answers, micro-managing, and being self focused. Good friends will always seek to be a multiplier in your life.
How would others describe you: as a multiplier or a diminisher?
Pray the best for you (v. 9).
Paul fervently prayed for his friends. He prayed that they would love Jesus and others more, would learn more about God, and would live out the truths of God’s Word in their conduct and character. Good friends will pray that those three things will become reality in their friends.
When you last prayed for your friends, what did you pray for them about?
Expect the best from you (v. 10-11).
Good friends will hold you accountable. They will tell you what you may not want to hear because they will expect the best from you. They won’t let you settle for what is just ‘good.’ They will challenge you to do and be your best.
What friend in your life holds you accountable? Do you have a friend that knows you will expect the best from him or her?
Good friends are rare. But when God gives them to us, they are worth their weight in gold.
What question above most resonated with you? Is the Holy Spirit prompting you to become a better friend?
One of the goals of this blog is to equip and resource parents as they guide their teens through adolescence. This week I'd like to offer up a couple articles that I have found particularly helpful in keeping up in an ever changing teenage world.
1. Use Tech Like a Teen: This article helps to explain why teens use tech the way they do, and even challenge adults to follow their lead. Our teens are digital natives and are accustomed to using tech. As parent, it's important to know why your teen is using tech the way they do.
2. Technology and the Adolescent Brain: Are you worried about what tech is doing to your child's brain? This article offers some good balanced thoughts in this area on two particular fronts:
Radio-frequency's effect on intellectual reaction time.
The consequences of internet use on social-cognition.
3. Digital Kids Initiative has published a list of recommended reading for parents of teens. Check out the list here. The list includes topics such as:
Technology and your teens brain.
Setting priorities straight.
Technology and Spirituality
Living Porn Free
Media Criticism
4.The Myth of Neutral Time: This article comes from the Gospel Coalition, and it confronts the false notion that seasons of time can be neutral. Often we see this lived out in our college students who, "put faith on hold, to explore others options". It is a good read, and challenges us to think through our notion of "neutral time".
They show just how important moms and dads are to their kids.
They both recognize the hard work it takes to be a great mom and dad; and, the hurts and joys that come along with that job.
They talk about how important community is to our parenting, and to our kids. We need people to support us as parents, and encourage our kids.
In "Letter To My Kids" the dad says, "You have to believe in something bigger than yourself." What he lands on is good, but I think there is something bigger and more transformational to believe in. --> That's Jesus, btw.
"Living for others is the secret sauce." So true. Pretty sure Jesus said something like that once too. ;)
I know that as Christian parents these videos don't speak to the full extent of the truth they're hinting at. But, they are a good reminder and expression of how important we are as parents to our children and our spiritual children (those kids and teens in our churches). I really believe that Moses offers the full spiritual weight of these same insights in Deut. 6:4-9
... 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a]5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. ...
Check out the whole chapter, and pray this prayer everyday with me:
Lord, thank you for my children (biological / adopted/ spiritual). Help me to know you more each day, so that I can share you with them. And, that they would know you, life in you, and make you known in their world.
